BATTLING MY INNER DEMONS
Whew! Its officially level infinity of adulting and sadly it never gets better. All those who scream the grass is greener on the other side are either blind or terrible liars. The stress, frustration and bills do not stop; don’t even get me started on the mid-life crisis and fear of the unknown. These are the real adulting phase nobody really talks about because it’s not for the faint-hearted. The glitz and glam are cover-ups for the battles we face with our inner demons. What are these inner demons and how can we control them because its high time we get our lives in order.
Now I understand why my parents roll their eyes when we come with our frivolous requests, I am not even a parent, and I already do this. Why am I writing this? Well, it is because I am exhausted, and that’s a simple truth. My life at the moment is in the hands of the Lord, and I mean that a hundred per cent. It feels like I am taking one step forward and two steps backwards. My mood changes every five seconds. Sometimes I am excited and very proud of my accomplishments, and other times I am angry; I have to work to earn a living.
Still trying to navigate my life and you get a visit from Imposter Syndrome like peek-a-boo I’m here; like who invited you in the first place. I am just trying to get my life in order; please leave me alone. Have you noticed this ugly feeling always comes when you’re trying to enjoy your little wins and make sense out of life? The devil indeed doesn’t sleep, but Christ and the madness in me is definitely stronger trust me. After battling Imposter syndrome, you get trapped between perfectionism and the fear of the unknown.
Perfectionism is my worst nightmare, it’s the worst prison cell ever, and a lot of us sadly are trapped in it. We are forced to second guess ourselves and slowly give up. People’s opinion doesn’t affect our performance, but one careless thought cripples our ability to function. Our standards are overtly ridiculous and can be achieved if we overlook the little errors. We do not give our ideas a chance to see the break of day.
Have you ever heard of being caged in your comfort zone? That’s the mediocre definition of fear of the unknown. It is a horrible feeling and its rips you apart piece by piece. It’s just like being put in a tiny cupboard, and you are claustrophobic. You are freaked out by your thoughts and the ‘what ifs’. What if it doesn’t work, what if this doesn’t make sense, what if kill you there. Snap out of the ‘what ifs’ and take that risk girl. You are stronger than you think. Get ready to embrace the ‘L’ because they will come like a mighty rushing wind, and you will prevail. The most important thing is you made an effort, and with time you will get it right. Celebrate the good and bad times.
The truth is we all have these problems; we mask them with our fake smiles. I am here to tell you that you are not alone in this crazy life saga. Do not let a bad day water down all your accomplishments and fulfilments. Taking L’s should be part of life, do not dwell on the but give hope a chance; do not be confined to a shell because shit didn’t go according to plan. There’s a reason for everything.
Hey you! You are amazing, go conquer the world.
